Vice in its Proper Shape Read online

  CHAP. V.

  _The comical and mortifying Transmigration of little Monsieur_ FRIBBLE_into the Body of a Monkey._

  After we had taken our leave of Master _Churl_, we were conducted intothe apartment of Mr. _Pug_, a chattering young monkey, who, as soon ashe saw us whipt his little hat under his arm in a crack, and seatinghimself upon his backside, welcomed each of us into the room by severalceremonious nods, which were intended to supply the place of a bow, andwere accompanied by such a noisy affected grin, that it was impossiblefor us to forbear laughing--"This contemptible animal, said Mr._Wiseman_, is inhabited by the little soul of the late Master _BillyFribble_, a young gentleman of French extraction, whose friends cameand settled in the country about fifty years ago. His play fellowsdignified him with the humorous title of _the little Monsieur_, not somuch on account of his diminutive stature, as for that trifling andfinical behaviour which distinguishes the least respectable, though, bymany thoughtless persons, the most admired part of the French nation.As neither his bodily nor mental faculties were very vigorous, hischildhood was remarkable only for a certain effeminate vivacity, whichcontinually displayed itself in such a noisy and insignificantprattling, as was very tiresome and disagreeable to every body in thehouse. When he grew older, he added to his former loquacity the mostpassionate fondness for fine clothes; so that in the twelfth year ofhis age, he became as complete a top as ever eyes beheld. He wore uponhis head a macaroni hat about the size of a small tea saucer; his coat,which scarcely had any skirts to it, was of the most glaring colour hecould fix upon; and his hair, which was plaistered over with powder andpomatum, was tied behind in a large club, which hung swagging upon hisshoulders like a soldier's knapsack. Thus elegantly dressed, hestrutted along the streets with a large stick in his hand about a foottaller than himself, and a small cutteau de chasse by his side, whichhe could handle with as much dexterity as his pen; an instrument in theuse of which he had made such a contemptible proficiency, that itrequired as much acuteness to discover the meaning of his aukwardscrawl, as to explain the hieroglyphick characters of the ancientEgyptians. What still increased the obscurity of every thing whichMonsieur _Fribble_ undertook the trouble of penning, was that,excepting when he wrote his own name, he had a method of spelling whichwas peculiar to himself. He was equally famous for his skill in theuseful science of numbers; for though, during the space of seven oreight years, he devoted to it a considerable part of that lingeringtime which he was forced to spare from his private diversions in schoolhours, the sum total of his improvement was, that he was scarcelycapable of casting up the contents of a shoemaker's little bill. Hishighest ambition was, in the first place, to furnish himself with alarge collection of complimentary phrases, which he had seldomdiscretion enough to apply with any tolerable propriety; and, in thenext, to complete himself in the polite art of dancing, in which he sofar succeeded as to be able to skip about with the most regularagility, though he never had a sufficient share of good sense to beable to dance with gracefulness. Thus accomplished, he excited theadmiration of every silly coquette, and the envy of every flutteringcoxcomb; but by all young gentlemen and ladies of understanding he washeartily despised as a mere civilized monkey. He performed every thingby imitation; and he imitated nothing (unless he was forcibly compelledto it) by which a rational being may be distinguished from a bruteanimal. But the species of imitation in which he most delighted, wasthat which, in the vulgar style, is called _mocking_; for he was notpossessed of a sufficient stock of ingenuity to be (what he veryfrequently attempted to be) a clever mimick. If any of his schoolmateshappened to be afflicted with an impediment in their speech, anaccidental lameness, or the like; he had the mean barbarity toendeavour to aggravate the misfortune by a coarse imitation, whichgenerally turned the whole ridicule upon himself. He once had theimpudence to practise his mockery upon a worthy gentlemen in theneighbourhood, who was so unfortunate as to be unable to speak withoutstuttering. The gentleman happening to pass by Mr. _Fribble's_ door, atwhich our little monsieur was then standing with a magpie in his hand.""_Bi-bi-bill_, said the good man (after inquiring very civilly how hedid) has that pretty ma-ma-mag learned to ta-ta-talk?" "Ye-ye-yes,replied the saucy fop, be-be-better than you do, or else I would wringhis head off." "This rude and impertinent answer, which at firstexcited the laughter of some of the by-standers, soon gave them a verymean opinion of him, and he was afterwards despised by every sensibleperson, as a mischievous, unthinking coxcomb. What aggravated hispunishment was, that he had so frequently indulged himself in theungenerous and silly practice of mocking the imperfect pronunciation ofothers, that at last he himself contracted such a habit of stutteringas he could never leave off. This gave such a poor recommendation tothe nonsensical things he was continually saying, that he became theobject of ten times the ridicule which he had endeavoured to inflictupon those who had a _natural_ impediment. What was pitied in them as amisfortune, was despised in him as an ill-acquired and consequently avicious imperfection; and therefore every one was willing to increasethe mortifying smart of it, and keep alive the conscious shame he feltof wearing a fool's cap which was entirely of his own making. Thisvexatious, and in some degree, vindictive ridicule to which he wasdaily exposed, and which, in time, he might have softened and disarmedby an humble and penitent deportment, gave such an insupportable woundto his foolish pride, that he soon absconded from company, and died ofa broken heart. That his soul might afterwards occupy such a station aswould be most suitable to his character, it was sentenced to inhabitthe body of that finical, grinning, and mischievous little mimick withfour legs, which you now behold before you." As soon as the Bramin hadfinished his story, poor _pug_ (who seemed to retain all the littlepride of Monsieur _Fribble_) grinned, chattered, and skipped about witha ridiculous resentment which was mingled with evident marks of fear;until at last, having agitated himself into a perfect passion, he madea hasty spring at his keeper, which, to his own abashment, and thelaughter of my young companions, was as suddenly checked by a smallchain that secured him to the floor.