When Love Goes Bad Read online

  There was no use in even pretending that I didn’t want him to continue, to make love to me. In my heart, in the back of my mind, I believed that this might be my one and only chance to complete this dream night, and I wanted to make love to Brady.

  We made love for a long time. Brady was an accomplished lover who led me gently, and sometimes just a little roughly, to new heights of passion. It was the best night I’d ever had with a man, despite the fact that I thought I heard him whisper “Jane” one time.

  Finally, we lay exhausted in each other’s arms. His words to me were gentle and loving, so tender and sweet. I never wanted him to stop telling me how wonderful I was. He ran his hands over my hips and stomach, and then he said, “You’ve lost some weight, haven’t you?”

  “How did you know that?” I asked. My heart hammered at the thought that Brady had been watching me for a while.

  “I know all about you,” he said smugly. “More than you think I know.”

  His words astonished me. I was now sure that he had noticed me before, and I wanted to spring up and dance around the room at the very thought of it.

  “You are so wonderful,” I sighed, wrapping my body around his. “Do you even know how wonderful you are?

  “Oh, I think I know,” he said. If I hadn’t been so smitten with him I would have thought his answer was arrogant and conceited, but I believed he was right to admit the obvious.

  We were both drifting off to sleep when the phone rang. It was the hospital calling Brady in for an emergency surgery. His mood changed entirely as he dressed.

  “Hurry,” he said. “Get dressed and I’ll drop you at your car.”

  I did as he told me to and we drove most of the way to the hospital in silence. I was terrified that I had somehow offended him because he seemed so far away and disconnected. I tried to make small talk with him, but I gave up after he ignored me several times.

  By the time we reached the hospital parking lot, I was trembling with anxiety. I thought for sure that my time with Brady was over, and that I would just be a one-night stand in his memory. I did my best to be grateful for that much.

  Brady wheeled up to my car and said goodbye briskly.

  “I have to hurry,” he said as he leaned against me and opened my door.

  I got out and stood there as he drove away. I got into my car, shivering in the night air, and started the motor. I tried whistling to chase away my fears and hurt feelings on the drive home, but when I walked inside my cold, silent house, I burst into tears. I was no Cinderella, and life was no fairy tale, so I had better just face it. Someone like Brady was too good for someone like me. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up shaking and ill. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

  In the morning, I had a headache from the drinks the night before and a heart full of aches as well. I trudged through my morning routine, getting ready for work with no real energy or interest in my upcoming day. When the phone rang, I cursed it because it made my head hurt. I picked it up with an angry jerk, but when I heard Brady’s voice my headache evaporated along with my sense of futility and despair.

  “Can you get the day off?” he asked. His voice had the softness I loved, an almost dream-like sound.

  “Oh, it’s a little late,” I said in dismay. “What did you have in mind?”

  “I was thinking we could take the day and drive to the ocean. I don’t get many days off myself, but I have someone to cover for me today. I miss the ocean and I would like nothing better than to see it again with you.”

  “Let me see what I can do,” I said. “Shall I call you back?”

  He gave me his cell phone number and I dialed Julia, planning to promise her anything she asked if she would just let me off for the day. I didn’t want to tell her why because, as much as I loved her, I knew the news that I was spending the day with Brady would be all over the hospital like a virus if I did.

  “What’s up?” she asked me.

  “I can’t tell you right now, Julia, but I need the day off. It’s very important.”

  “Is your no-good brother in trouble again?” she asked.

  “I’ll explain when I see you tomorrow,” I hedged. “Is it okay?”

  “Sure, but I want details tomorrow,” she said. “Details!”

  I called Brady back and told him the news.

  “I’ll drive over and pick you up,” he said.

  “Give me a few minutes to get ready,” I pleaded, wanting a lot more time than that.

  “I’ll give you half an hour, because I know no matter what you wear, you’ll look beautiful.”

  “I wish,” I sighed, but he had already hung up.

  I chose a simple skirt and top and took along a big hat to keep the sun out. When Brady saw me he stared a moment.

  “Just wait till we get you in the sun,” he said. “I’m going to see those old familiar freckles, I’m sure.”

  “I don’t freckle,” I laughed. “I burn.”

  Brady chuckled, as if he suspected I was lying.

  “Sure you don’t freckle,” he said, reaching over and squeezing my hand. “It’s so like you to deny the obvious.”

  We had a lovely drive, and I was enjoying myself until I realized how much Brady was talking about his life with Jane. He often said things that bewildered me too. Things like, “but you know about that,” when he was referring to some event of the past. I would nod in agreement, only because I was afraid that he would think I was dense or incapable of understanding him if I said that I didn’t.

  I was too intoxicated with his attention to burst the bubble around us. For example, I loved the way he took my arm and led me into a fancy restaurant. He asked for a good table so we could see the ocean, and he got everything that he asked for from the fawning staff.

  We were sitting by a huge window where the sea seemed to pound right up to where we were. I felt like a queen being with Brady. I loved the way he ordered for both of us, and of course, what he selected was delicious. I leaned back happily in my chair and sipped the crisp white wine.

  “I feel as if I’m in a fairy tale,” I sighed. “I can’t believe I’m here.” I looked at him shyly and added, “Here with you.”

  Brady leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. “You belong with me, you always have.”

  His words made me giddy along with the wine.

  “I always have?” I asked, begging in a way for a compliment.

  “Yes, always,” he said with confidence.

  Brady reached into the pocket of his jacket and took out a small box. He opened it and handed it to me across the table. I saw the huge diamond and pearl ring he offered as if I were in a dream.

  “What is this?” I managed to say.

  “It is your engagement ring. I knew I was going to marry you the first time I saw you. Then, when we made love, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind. You are the woman of my dreams. I want you to marry me, and I want it to be soon.”

  My head seemed to be exploding with stars as his words penetrated through my mind. I was truly speechless for a few seconds. Finally, with my hand at my throat, I managed to speak.

  “Brady, you hardly know me.”

  “I know you better than you know yourself,” he said, leaning forward and slipping the ring onto my finger. I didn’t pull my hand back because I so wanted to believe that what was happening to me with Brady was right.

  A moment of sanity came over me as I met his eyes. I wanted to be sure that Brady knew that even though I looked like Jane, I was a totally different person.

  “Brady,” I said with a gulp of fear. I knew I was taking a chance with the words I was about to say to him—a chance that he might change his mind and pull the ring off. “I just want you to look at me and tell me you realize that I’m not Jane. I want you to be sure that it is me you love and not the memory of her.”

  He reared back as if I had struck him. He clutched the ring box in his hand tightly as his arms shot up in front of him, as if he was trying to war
d off more blows from me.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I cried out, reaching for him, wanting to soothe him.

  “That was a very cruel thing to say to me,” he said in a cold, flat voice. “What do you take me for? Do you think I’m some kind of a ghoul?”

  “Oh, Brady, please,” I said, practically weeping now. “Forgive me. I want to marry you too. I guess I was so swept away with the excitement of the moment that I wasn’t thinking. Oh, Brady, I am honored that you would ask me to marry you. Please forgive me. I won’t mention Jane ever again. I promise.”

  Brady’s face changed dramatically from one of shock to a huge smile of satisfaction.

  “Good then,” he said matter-of-factly. “We understand each other.”

  He took the ring out of the box and I held out my hand to him.

  “This time forever,” he whispered.

  I refused to let myself think that his words were meant for Jane and her memory. Instead, I said in a shaking voice, “Forever and ever.”

  We made love again that night at his house, and it was glorious. If I was living in a dream world, I never wanted to wake up. I decided that the real world could just get lost. I lay awake in his arms as he slept, my hand on his broad, slightly furry chest, feeling his heart beat softly underneath my hands. Brady turned over and moaned. When he was still again, I snuggled close to his back and held my left hand up to the splashes of moonlight that sparkled through the window.

  The huge diamond twinkled like a star that had escaped from the skies, and I crossed my fingers, making a wish that it would all be as wonderful as I so much wanted it to be.

  Brady dropped me off at my place the next morning.

  “Of course, you’ll give your notice today,” Brady said matter-of-factly as I kissed him goodbye.

  “My notice?” I asked. I was stunned at the idea that I wouldn’t be working anymore. Work had always been such an important part of my life, he might as well have told me to give notice to someone that I wouldn’t be breathing in two weeks.

  “I can’t quit my job, Brady,” I said. “I love my work.”

  Brady leaned his head back on the seat of the car and shut his eyes for a moment, as if he were talking himself into being patient with me.

  “You know, I can’t have you working. You need to be there for me when I need you.” He gave me an adorable, boyish grin. “Being married to me will be your job, my dear.”

  I put aside my doubts and agreed. There was no way I could have refused Brady of anything. I was about to turn and leave when he said, “I thought we might even want to move back to the coast—I still own the house where we lived before.” I knew he meant the house that he and Jane had lived in, and my heart ached a little when he said it. I hated the idea of living in Jane’s house—her memory was too fresh in Brady’s mind.

  I walked back to his side of the car and touched his arm. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” I said. The tone of my voice was anything but self-assured and Brady picked up on it immediately.

  “Well, why don’t we drive out there on Saturday? You can see what you think. Once you see how beautiful it is, and how right it will be for us, I think you’ll change your mind. Besides, I miss the ocean.”

  “But you’re so well established here,” I said in a wheedling, flattering tone. “Are you sure you want to leave your practice?”

  “I’m sure the people back there haven’t forgotten me,” he said with confidence.

  “I might have to work on Saturday,” I said, trying feebly one last time to talk him out of going to the house.

  “Tell them you want to resign today,” he said. I could tell that he was getting nervous and that he wanted to get going. I nodded my head in agreement, and without another word or even a wave goodbye, he sped away. I was left standing there, watching his beautiful car disappear around the corner.

  My worries evaporated when I walked into the hospital. I went into Julia’s office forcing myself not to skip and dance with excitement at the news I was about to tell her. Julia took one look at me and knew that something was up.

  “Okay,” she said. “Details.”

  “Oh, nothing much,” I said with a yawn, patting my mouth with my left hand dramatically. I wanted Julia to be sure and spot my ring.

  “What is this?” she cried, jumping up and rushing over to me. “This is huge! Not just the ring, mind you, but the surprise! I want details!”

  In between mutual squeals, I told her all about Brady proposing. She clutched my hands in hers and we danced around her office.

  “Oh, I really hate you,” she cried as she collapsed in her chair, breathless. “How did you manage the catch of the year, you sly thing?”

  My version of the romance between Brady and me took on a more romantic glow than was actually the case. I skipped over some of my concerns about Jane still being on Brady’s mind. I made it sound as if Brady was spellbound with me, just as I was with him. I even hinted that Brady and I had been lovers for a long time.

  “Well, you sure fooled me,” she exclaimed. “It wasn’t a month ago that I was actually starting to worry about you. You seemed very lonely and lost.”

  I blushed, realizing how right she was, but went on fibbing and told her I had been worried for a long time about how it would all end with Brady.

  “And here you are set to marry the most gorgeous sought-after man in town,” Julia sighed. “How did you get so lucky, girl?”

  I shrugged and stood up. I was feeling a little dry mouthed and guilty by that time. I didn’t like lying to Julia, but it was too late to retract my story. I swallowed hard and changed the subject from Brady to my work.

  I told Julia I was quitting at Brady’s insistence, and her face fell.

  “Oh no,” she moaned. “We are so short-handed. Can’t you at least work today? I have you scheduled for pediatrics today and I understand there’s another young man in this hospital whose heart you have captured.”

  “You mean Zig?” I asked with a smile.

  “It must be,” she replied. “There’s a sick little boy who keeps asking for you.”

  “Well, of course I’ll work today,” I said. “I’m a little partial to that kid myself.”

  Zig was lying in bed, looking grumpy and out of sorts, when I went into his room.

  “I hear you missed me,” I said cheerfully.

  “No, I didn’t,” he answered sulkily. “Whoever said that is telling lies. Was it Dr. Parker?”

  “No, it was a little Ziggy bird,” I said. I started to straighten his room and he seemed to relax and get back some of his natural good humor.

  “Why did you think it was Dr. Parker,” I asked him.

  I was really just fishing to see if Brady had been in that morning, but Zig surprised me by saying, “I just don’t like him, that’s all. Do you like him?”

  I blushed and turned my head away. “Yes, I really do,” I said. “Why don’t you like him?”

  “He doesn’t look at me or listen to me, he just stares at himself in the mirror all the time,” Zig said. I laughed and was immediately sorry. I turned just as Zig was pulling the covers up over his head.

  “Hey Scout,” I said softly. “I wasn’t laughing at you. I just think you’re a funny, wonderful kid and you make me smile.”

  He peeked out from under the covers and whispered, “I don’t want you to like him. You probably love him and want to marry him. I don’t want you to.”

  I took him into my arms and held him to me gently. “Oh, Zig, I’ll never forget about you. You’re my favorite little boy.”

  Zig’s face was still sad, but with a sigh of acceptance he said, “You do love him, don’t you?”

  “I think he’s wonderful, Zig,” I said. I didn’t want to get into the complexities of adult relationships, so I tried to joke him out of his blue mood. “But no one is more wonderful than you.”

  “I am a really good kid,” he said in an earnest, heartbreaking voice. “I am a better kid when I’m not s
ick.”

  “You are great just how you are,” I said.

  I did my work and then sat down and watched a television show with him. I held his hand as he drifted off to sleep. It broke my heart that his mother was gone. He was searching so hard for someone to fill the void in his life. I knew, however, that my life was with Brady, and I couldn’t do much about Zig and his pain except be his friend.

  Brady and I drove to the beach house the next day. It was a beautiful day, and I felt as if I were living in a dream. Just the fact that I was sitting next to him in his gorgeous car was more than I ever hoped for. But when I looked at him and realized he was going to be my husband, I actually felt like screaming with happiness out the window.

  “I worry that I might disappoint you,” I told him as we drove, just to make conversation.

  “What do you mean?” he asked, giving me a quick glance.

  “Maybe you’ll find out that I’m not such a dream girl,” I said. I kept my voice upbeat, but my heart was pounding fast as I said the words. “I have learned through experience that dreams just don’t last and that real life is tough.”

  “I know you better than you think,” he said cryptically, but when I looked at him he wasn’t smiling. His face scared me. He was glaring at me for no reason.

  “Brady, what’s wrong?” I asked. My words seemed to jar him back to reality and his face became the old composed, beautiful face I was familiar with.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was thinking of one of my patients.”

  The beach house was gorgeous and impossible to dislike. I wandered through the bright rooms, almost dizzy with delight. The ocean beckoned me outside through the huge glass doors at the back of the house, and the lush looking beach was so perfect it looked as if someone groomed it every day.

  Finally, Brady took me in his arms and whispered, “I’m going to the market to get some supplies.” I was about to say I would go with him, but he continued on in his soft, persistent whisper. “I want you to take a shower, wash your hair, and be sitting on the bed when I get back, wearing nothing but a towel. Be putting some lotion on your legs when I walk in, all right?”

  I blushed at his request, but I was thrilled. “I’ll be ready,” I whispered back. I shut my eyes as the delicious sexual longing he inspired in me washed over my body. When I opened them again, he was gone.