Forbidden Love Read online

  There had been a storm, which had resulted in damage to the structure that Frank was overseeing. He’d be delayed at least twenty-four hours.

  “I’m not canceling on you,” he said, laughing nervously. “I’m just asking you for a slight delay. Reschedule our reservations, Mariska. And then—”

  I didn’t hear any more. I lowered the receiver into my lap, and I sat there gripping it, rocking back and forth while tears streamed down my cheeks. How much longer would my husband put everything else ahead of me and our plans together?

  After we’d ended the conversation, I sat there, sobbing out my grief and despair. It was more than a canceled engagement. To me, it seemed like absolute proof that Frank didn’t love me anymore.

  The phone rang again then, and my heart leaped with the wild hope that Frank had changed his mind. He would somehow get a flight out and come home, after all.

  But it wasn’t Frank.

  “Mariska? Is that you?”

  My heart sank. “Yes, Jared.”

  “You sound as though you’ve been crying.”

  I completely lost control and started weeping uncontrollably at his words.

  “Hang on, honey.” Jared said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  The next thing I knew, I was in Jared’s arms, sobbing out my disappointment, and my anger at Frank. Jared held me until I’d finished, and then he took me by the shoulders and gave me a little shake to get my attention.

  “Here’s what you’re going to do,” he said. “You’re going to go and get dressed, and wash your face, and put on your makeup. No way am I letting you waste those reservations.”

  “But—”

  “Go!” Jared said, turning me toward the bedroom. “If I have to, I’ll dress you myself.”

  I was beyond thinking rationally, but I felt instinctively that Jared was right. If I stayed home, I’d cry the entire evening, and tomorrow, my head would ache, and what would I gain from all that misery?

  Jared’s plan offered me the chance to divert my attention before I let this thing grow to impossible proportions in my mind. And although I’d never been a spiteful person, it also offered me the opportunity to “get even” with Frank.

  How can I describe that evening? Absolutely everything about it was perfect, except for the glaring fact that Frank wasn’t there. Jared and I dined and danced, and I didn’t even have to worry about the bill, because he insisted on paying it. If only my heart wasn’t breaking, it would’ve been a night to remember for the rest of my life.

  Jared ordered a bottle of wine, and kept encouraging me to drink more of it. I obliged, because I found it numbed the pain. When the evening ended, Jared drove me home and helped me up the stairs. For the first time in my life, I was drunk.

  Once inside, I sank onto the sofa and pressed my fingertips to my temples, in an effort to focus. I felt very, very strange.

  Jared handed me something and said, “Drink this. It’ll help.”

  I didn’t question him. I turned up the glass and emptied it, and then I felt as though I simply floated away.

  The next thing I knew, it was morning, and I was so sick that I wanted to die. My head pounded and I barely made it to the bathroom, where I was violently ill. When that was finished, I wet a washcloth with cold water, but I couldn’t make it back to the bed. I sat beside the toilet and tried to think why on earth anyone would ever get drunk a second time, if this was the result.

  When I heard noises coming from the bedroom, I thought that Frank had come home, as promised.

  “Frank?” I called weakly. “I’m in here.”

  “Hi,” Jared said, sticking his head around the door and smiling in at me.

  “Jared?” I struggled to sit upright, and managed to focus at last. “What . . . how did you get in?”

  “I didn’t leave,” he said, laughing. “Sweetheart, don’t you remember?”

  Jared reached down and lifted me from the floor. To my utter amazement, I realized that I was wearing a nightgown—only, I had no memory of putting it on. He carried me to the bed and put me there, but I scrambled to a sitting position and grabbed a blanket to cover myself.

  “Sweet baby,” Jared said soothingly, as he reached out to touch me.

  I pulled away.

  “Mariska, it’s all right. Don’t you understand? You needed me. I was there. What happened was beautiful, and we should treasure it always.”

  The room swam before my eyes. I grabbed the side of the bed to steady myself.

  “Wh-what do you mean?” I whispered. “What are you talking about?”

  “You and I have a special relationship, Mariska. It isn’t like you were unfaithful, because I came first in your life, remember? We’re soul mates. We’ve known each other since time began. You just didn’t understand how wonderful that is until last night.”

  With each beat of my heart, I felt as though someone had crashed a hammer into my skull. I wanted to scream, but what would that accomplish? I needed time alone—time to think.

  “Please, Jared—go now,” I said, my voice sounding hollow.

  “I understand, sweetheart.” He smiled as he got up from the bed, then reached down and cupped my cheek in his palm. When I shuddered involuntarily, he gave a soft, indulgent laugh.

  “We’ll talk later,” he said.

  Talk? I thought. About what? But I didn’t want to prolong his stay by asking.

  “Oh, Frank,” I cried aloud when the door had closed behind Jared. “Oh, Frank, what have I done?”

  The next hours were agony. Frank came home, just as he’d promised, all ready and eager to celebrate our anniversary. It’d taken me all that time to recover, physically, from the sickness I felt that night. If I ever recovered emotionally, it would be a miracle.

  “I know we can’t get dinner reservations so soon at the same restaurant,” Frank said, happily making plans, “but it isn’t the only nice place around. How about going to Maria’s? Then we can go dancing later.”

  Jared’s invitation to Maria’s, six weeks earlier, had started this whole thing, and I never wanted to go there again as long as I lived.

  I had to tell Frank what had happened, but I’d had only a few hours to prepare. And what on earth could I say? How could I ever break this terrible news to him?

  The answer was, I couldn’t.

  Not yet.

  Maybe not ever.

  In the end, I asked Frank if we could postpone our celebration a little longer. He noticed my appearance then, seemingly for the first time, and immediately became convinced that I had the flu. I certainly looked like I was standing at death’s door. My eyes were puffy and swollen from crying, and they had dark circles underneath.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” Frank said gently. “I was just so excited, I didn’t notice at first. But I have something that’ll make you feel better. I’d planned to surprise you over dinner, but I’m not going to wait.”

  “Surprise me?” I repeated numbly.

  Frank nodded eagerly. “Honey, it’s finally happened! I’ve been transferred back to town. All I have to do now is help my replacement settle in. One more week, and I’m home to stay!”

  A sudden surge of joy made my heart skip a beat. My prayers had finally been answered.

  And then I remembered Jared—and I could have died with shame.

  Would Frank even want me back, after what had happened?

  Jared called once that weekend. I hung up the phone. I knew I’d have to have a final conversation with him, eventually, but I simply wasn’t up to it just yet.

  Frank left on an early flight Monday morning. I had to have someone to talk to, so I called Angela and asked her to meet me in the coffee shop on the ground floor of our building before work that morning.

  Angela was sympathetic, but puzzled.

  “I know you, Mariska,” she said. “This isn’t something you would ever do. Not even if you were drunk.”

  “Do you think Frank will ever understand?” I asked.

  “Y
ou’d be a fool to tell him. Just start all over and consider it a lesson well learned.”

  Was that possible? Could I live with the guilt, if I didn’t make a full confession? Well, I had four days to think it over. At the end of that time, Frank would be home to stay.

  When I arrived at my desk that morning after the coffee shop, I found a dozen roses waiting for me. My fingers trembled as I opened the enclosed card.

  In celebration of starting our new life together, it read.

  I smiled, and clasped the card to my heart, tears rolling down my cheeks. Frank did love me. Maybe Angela was right. If I could just put that horrible night out of my mind, Frank and I could really and truly start our life together anew.

  I placed the card where I could see it, and for half the morning, I pretended that nothing had ever happened between Jared and me. Frank and I would buy a home; I would leave my job, have a baby, and be a full-time mother, at least until our children were in school. And then—

  “Hello, sweetheart.”

  I felt his arms go around me as I turned. Before I could stop him, his lips came down on mine, right there in front of the whole office.

  “Jared, no!” I said, pushing him away. When he released me, I reacted automatically, scrubbing my mouth the way a child does when trying to wipe away a kiss.

  Jared drew back, shocked and angry.

  My anger matched his own. Even if we had been intimate, what gave him the right to approach me in public? Surely, he would be more considerate than to advertise it to coworkers.

  “What’s the matter with you?” he demanded through clenched teeth.

  “Jared, I realize we have to talk, but not here.”

  “You’re right,” he said, giving me a forced smile. “You’re absolutely right. I’ll meet you in the parking lot after work. We’ll take a long drive together.”

  My heart thudded weakly against my chest. I couldn’t take the chance of going out with him again, and in fact, the very thought repulsed me.

  “No,” I said, but he ignored me, turning to walk away. At the last minute, he turned back and smiled.

  “I see the flowers arrived.”

  My phone light had been blinking persistently, and now the backup ring started. But I couldn’t have answered it if I’d tried.

  Jared had sent the flowers. Not Frank. I grabbed the card and ripped it in shreds, but those words echoed in my mind throughout the long afternoon.

  Not Frank.

  Not Frank.

  Not Frank.

  True to his word, Jared waited for me in the parking lot after work. He’d pulled his little red car alongside my more economical model, and he was leaning up against it, his long legs outstretched, glancing impatiently at his watch from time to time.

  My head pounded. My heart ached. I’d made a complete mess of my life and I was not in any mood to argue with this man a minute longer.

  Jared had not risen to the rank of top salesman without an ability to read expressions and produce appropriate responses. As he unfolded his arms and pushed away from the car, his expression softened.

  “I’m sorry, Mariska. We’ve been on the wrong foot all day, and I don’t want that. Frank’s gone now, and we can make our plans.”

  “How did you know that Frank left?” I asked. As a matter of fact, Jared shouldn’t even have known about Frank’s arrival.

  But he didn’t answer me. He opened his car door and gestured for me to climb inside.

  “Jared, I’m not going anywhere with you. Maybe it would be best if you phoned me, after I’ve gone home.”

  His sharp eyes narrowed. “What are you saying, Mariska?”

  Tears, always close to the surface now, welled in my eyes again. “I’m so sorry,” I told him. “I—I must’ve given you the impression that I hop into bed with every man who comes along. But that—it isn’t the case, Jared. I was drunk, and I was terribly hurt that night. But I love Frank. I—”

  I broke off with a cry of pain as Jared grabbed my arm and practically threw me inside his car. He slammed the door shut then and walked quickly around to the driver’s side.

  I’d ridden in his car a dozen times by then, but it still took me a few seconds to locate the tricky door latch. Unfortunately, he’d climbed in beside me by that time, and he reached across suddenly and grabbed my arm with brutal force.

  “Stay where you are,” he ordered, starting the engine and jerking the car into gear. I managed to get the door open, but the rapid acceleration jerked it shut on me.

  “Please, Jared—let me out. I can’t go with you—it—it isn’t right!”

  “What kind of woman are you?” Jared shouted suddenly, muscles working in his jaw. “One moment we’re planning our lives together, and the next, you don’t even want to talk to me!”

  Those words sobered me. “Wh-what do you mean, planning our lives together?”

  Jared raced down the street, defying the speed limits, and reached the ramp to the interstate.

  “I’m talking about your divorce,” he snapped. “I’m talking about our marriage. What the hell do you think I’m talking about?”

  Suddenly, he pulled a small box from his pocket, jerked it open, and flung it into my lap. I looked down and saw that he’d bought me a ring in a lovely setting, with one of the most stunning diamonds I’d ever seen.

  “Oh, Jared,” I said, collapsing in despair. “This is all such a mess!”

  We rode in silence for the next ten miles. At one point, Jared reached across and took my hand; I didn’t try to pull away. He would have to stop eventually, and when he did, I would try to make him understand.

  An hour or so later, we parked in a secluded cove by a lake, and Jared turned to take me into his arms.

  “No,” I told him firmly, drawing a line that I intended to keep in place.

  “No?” he repeated.

  His habit of throwing back my words at me suddenly infuriated me. “No,” I said stubbornly. “Jared, I’m not responsible for what I might’ve said or done that night when I was drunk. I have no intention whatsoever of ever divorcing Frank. I had no real intention of sleeping with you, let alone having an affair. It’s over, Jared. We can’t even be friends after what’s happened between us. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

  I had braced myself for anger. I’d even wondered if Jared might hit me. No man had ever done that to me before, but if he was hurt deeply enough, I knew that he might very well lash out, and lash out brutally. Clearly, Jared was very unstable.

  So why hadn’t I seen this coming? Though, try as I might, I couldn’t recall any prior evidence of Jared’s growing attachment to me. Everything had always been perfectly platonic between us, right up until the night of my anniversary dinner.

  To my surprise, Jared simply reached across and cupped my chin in his hand, turning my face gently toward him. If he’d tried to kiss me, I would’ve resisted. But he didn’t. After caressing me, he simply put the ring back into his pocket and started the engine.

  “You’ve seen the ring, so the surprise is ruined. But this isn’t the right time to put it on your finger, anyway. We’ll go out Wednesday evening. I’ve made reservations already, at Maria’s. That’s where it all started, darling. And at that time, we’ll be officially engaged.”

  I didn’t say a word. All the way back to town, I prayed that if God would only let me get safely home, I would never, ever, for the rest of my life, let anything like this ever happen again.

  My prayer was answered. Jared delivered me back to the office parking lot, where I picked up my car. He kissed me good-bye then, and while I didn’t respond, neither did I resist, for fear of inciting him all over again.

  Once home, I closed the door behind me and locked it. Then I sank down onto the carpet with my back to the door and hugged my knees, rocking back and forth as I wept.

  Eventually dragging myself to my feet, I went to the bathroom and found a bottle of medication that my dentist had given me months earlier, when I’d had dental
work done. Tomorrow, I’d call in sick and take off the rest of the week. Somehow, I would figure out how to fix the mess I’d gotten myself into. Tonight, though, I had to have some rest.

  The phone rang just as I was climbing in between the sheets.

  “Hello?” I said, expecting to hear Frank’s voice.

  “I just wanted to tell you good night, darling,” Jared said.

  I hung up without answering. Ten minutes later, the medication took effect, and I drifted into blessed oblivion.

  I woke the following morning at the usual time from long habit, and got up and made coffee. When I’d forced down some toast and orange juice to settle my queasy stomach, I called Angela, explained my plans, and asked her to arrange for my sick leave. When that was done, I crawled back into bed.

  The phone rang about mid-morning. Frank wouldn’t be calling in the middle of the day, and Angela knew that I’d intended to sleep. Therefore, it could only be Jared, who would’ve missed me at work by now.

  I unplugged the phone and slept until sundown, when I awoke feeling rested at last. I made soup for dinner and called Angela. She sounded awfully upset when she answered.

  “Mariska, did you throw out Jared’s flowers?”

  “Not exactly. I had them sent to the hospital, with instructions to give them to a patient who would benefit most. Why?”

  “Jared stopped by to ask where you were, and he got upset when he noticed that they weren’t on your desk. He said he knew you hadn’t taken them home last night. Mariska, something’s seriously wrong with that guy.”

  I felt a band tighten around my head. “He’ll get over it,” I told her, trying hard to sound glib. “If I don’t see him for a while, he’ll realize there’s nothing between us.”

  “I sure hope so,” Angela said. But she sounded about as convinced as I felt.

  I left the phone plugged in that night, because I knew that Frank would call. When it rang, I counted to ten and picked up the receiver.

  “I’m on my way up,” Jared said, by way of greeting.

  “No—”

  A click, followed by a dial tone, made it clear that further protests would be useless. I quickly checked to make certain that the door was locked, and just to be on the safe side, I slid the deadbolt into place.