Pleasures and Follies Read online

  "'Ha!' said he. 'So you're depucelating her, eh! Splendid! She's getting the best possible initiation. Does she discharge? Are you enjoying yourself, Minonne?'

  "'No,' I replied, 'no discharges thus far. The poor sweetheart's been suffering, though courageously. Do you see the way her ass writhes? That's rare and augurs well.' Touched, Trait-d'Amour slipped his hand down his little sister's belly and began to tickle the tiny clitoris lurking in her unfledged crack. The child's eyes became glassy, her body tensed, and, turning her sweet mouth towards mine, she put her tongue between my lips, did indeed discharge, this being for the first time, and moaned with delight. I discharged too; never had I sensed such pleasure.

  "Once I'd decunted her, her brother asked me if I were a jealous lover. 'Yes,' said I, 'jealous of every rival but yourself.'

  "'Well then, your fuck will serve as pommade to help me ease into her pretty cuntlet.' However, Minonne was less willing to be stuffed by her brother and undertook to repel his assaults, but Trait-d'Amour was soon master of the situation: he flung his sister upon the bed and was a moment later within the portal, making a difficult entry, for his prick, even in those days, was not by any means puny; his sister was alarmed.

  "'Wiggle your ass and discharge,' he recommended, thrusting vigorously. ''Tis lovingly you are being encunted, my sweet little orphan sister.' She discharged no fewer than three times over and then could do no more. Trait-d'Amour helped me clean my instrument and I went back into the fray. I had even more pleasure this time, because the youngster had by now got somewhat accustomed to the game, and because with his bulky prick her brother had cleared the way free.

  "From that day onward, Trait-d'Amour and I fucked Minonne every Sunday and holiday. The stepmother was aware of what I was up to, but did not interfere. And then Trait-d'Amour one day asked me whether I would also mind giving some instruction in writing to Connette, presently his mistress and the girl he was later to marry, since Tendrelys's mother, always fearing lest she be depucelated, had ruined all his hopes of getting at her daughter. 'Certainly,' was my reply. I went therewith to pay court to Connette. Two months went by. Then, that young lady, being one day standing at the window and leaning out of it, I caught a glimpse of some first-rate legs. Minonne, at the time, practicing her penmanship, looked up from her work and noticed me staring avidly at Connette's behind. I grasped Minonne's bublets and requested her to take hold of my balls. She rose from her chair, approached Connette, and said to her in a subdued voice. 'Don't object to anything we do to you.' She raised her skirts, led me to her, buttered her cunt for me, and oiled my prick too. "Arch your back," she said to Connette, "be a good girl." And to me: "Run in square and true. You should find the way without any trouble." Connette arched her back, obeyed her friend's every command, so that, although she was exceedingly tight, I penetrated admirably. In came Trait-d'Amour, always on time. He drew us to the bed, lay down on his belly, had his mistress lie with her back upon his, then bade me encunt her, asking his sister to guide my prick. With each thrust I made, he replied with a heave of his ass. These shocks imparted to his mistress's ass wedged me an inch farther in every time. Connette's sufferings were perfectly dreadful. But when at last I struck rock bottom, thanks to a final heave of Trait-d'Amour's flanks, Connette winked, smiled blissfully and soon emitted with ineffable joy.

  "I supposed Trait-d'Amour would hurl himself upon her and encunt her while she was hot. But, no. 'We are engaged,' he explained. 'Were she to have a child by you, it would ennoble my family.' He fucked his sister while I refucked his mistress. And thus it is that since then I have shared my most precious belongings with him."

  "He merits your trust," all the company agreed. "Indeed he does," said Brideconin, who was at the moment employing both hands to do an homage to Rose-Mauve's cunt whilst Brisemotte and Cordaboyau were one of them handling his wife's cunt, the other her dugs. My story had made all those gay blades stiffen like honest Republicans, even though we were nearing the close of a trying lay. The ladies, even those Vitnègre had encunted, were positively in rut.

  "How clever you were, and how delightful your instruction has made them turn out to be," said Conquette, darting her tongue into my mouth.

  "Oh, indeed yes!" Tendrelys concurred, kissing me in like manner.

  Meanwhile, Madame Brideconin was being pulled in opposite directions by her two young suitors, each of whom had absolutely to stuff her without an instant's delay. "I've only accommodations for one, dear boys," she explained in all modesty. "Had I room for two, believe me, I'd keep neither one of you waiting outside in the cold. One first," said the landlady, "then the other."

  However, a happy expedient was discovered. Cordaboyau ploughed into her cunt, Brisemotte into her asshole. "They're doublefucking my wife!" cried Brideconin. "But what do I care? I've got a tidy little cunt around my prick." Trait-d'Amour, furiously ribald, laid hands on Conquette. I thought he was preparing to encunt her; I was mistaken. He lay upon his back and drew her down over his rigid prick; Minonne and Connette held her under the arms. She slowly lowered herself upon the veritable spear which Tendrelys's hand held steady in the exact position: thus Conquette managed her own embuggerment. The weight of her lovely body made it a profound introduction.

  When his massive device was buried to the hilt in her fundament, Trait-d'Amour called to me: "Ah, Sire! The world's most beautiful cunt beckons to you." I headed directly for my daughter's gem, the helpful Tendrelys guiding my prick.

  Madame Brideconin, a whore if ever there was one, since at this point she was having both her holes battered, made three signs of the cross. She was asked what the trouble was. "I'm being fucked in front of my husband, but I'm on some queer contraption which prevents me from protecting myself. My husband, seeing me cuckold him, cornutes me ... all very well. But our master is fucking, is encunting his embuggered daughter!"

  "His daughter?"

  "Yes, his very own," Rose-Mauve stammered, discharging under Brideconin. "And what does that matter!"

  "Ha!" chorused the four fuckers and the four fuckeresses. "That gives us an appetite for the prick and for the cunt." They swore to fuck till they could fuck no more.

  The encunters and the encuntees, the embuggerers and the embuggerees struggled and scrapped and one more vigorously than the other, underneath and above, in and out, to and fro, like so many devils and she-devils at a sabbath. Tendrelys tickled both my nuggets and Trait-d'Amour's. Minonne excited Brisemotte's and Cordaboyau's. Connette concentrated all her attention upon Brideconin's while poking her index finger in Rose-Mauve's anus. The fucker to whom these refinements were novelties, exclaimed: "Ye gods, but you folks fuck wonderfully well. Compared to this everything else I've seen is mere messing about." He discharged like a siege-gun.

  "Oh, you're very right, my friend," said his wife as she discharged also. "I've never been given the working over I'm getting from these two dear boys each of whose pricks is planting a horn, one in my asshole and the other in my cunt."

  Remarking that I managed more satisfactorily when Tendrelys fingered my privities. She said "Dear little companion, my hand will do the same for your encunter when you get your hole plugged. And you, Madame Brideconin, are you being suitably fucked?" This agreeable word "fucked" had so much grace when Conquette's pretty lips pronounced it, that I would undoubtedly have pitched into her cunt anew had not Trait-d'Amour, retiring from her ass and going off to wash, besought me in great earnestness to allow him to encunt her.

  But my emotions were too great to permit me to remain an idle bystander; I ordered Tendrelys to bring her cunt to the fore. Minonne and Connette toppled her upon her back and spread wide her thighs. Before being encunted by her indefatigable fucker, my daughter was fain to insert my prick into Tendrelys's tidy crack. "Move your ass, my beloved." she said to the dear girl, kissing her on the mouth, "and be sure to give Papa all the pleasure you can." As she had noticed what a splendid impression the word "fucked" had produced upon me, the while seconding the extrem
ely active Trait-d'Amour's efforts, she shouted a resounding: "FUCK! Fuck, my bleeding Jesus, oh, blessed prick, FUCK my bloody cunt ... oh Father, stab her, bury it in Tendrelys, tear her to pieces, dear Father, oh I'm discharging! Dis-char-ging!"

  "How that modest lady does fuck!" murmured Brideconin.

  That's how the séance concluded.

  Chapter Fourteen

  We supped. Bubs were no longer dangling, gleaming, swinging pendant in full view. The conversation was decent.

  "They say, Monsieur," Minonne began, addressing me, "They say you've had a least eight pretty wives, and they mention their names."

  "Ah," Conquette interrupted. "Don't get him started telling more of those stories. The day's sport is over and we ought now to behave properly, like ordinary people do."

  "You'll have to save it then," Trait-d'Amour put in, "for some interlude in our future games."

  As we were all preparing to disband and, as there was no further danger of a libidinous tolly-polly, I was asked to recommend to the company that our six cunts and twelve bubs be brought into sight and kissed indiscriminately in token of our separation for the week. I thought this a good proposal. Immediately, Conquette, Tendrelys, Rose-Mauve, Minonne, Connette and Madame Brideconin relieved themselves of their kerchiefs, bared their bottoms, betook themselves to the fucking furniture. Their cunts were prodigiously licked. The five gentlemen present sucked their nipples; the ladies grasped, uncapped and kissed the five pricks. Mine however, was mouthed out of kindness: "Farewell for a week, adorable prick!" was the valediction it received six times over.

  We were about to leave when Vitnègre's lovely wife was seen to sink to her knees, her bubs flying. She raised her eyes heavenward and spoke: "Holy and pretty Virgin Mary, whom the angel frigged, cunt-tongued and tit-fondled in the bed that was Joseph's, the cornute dupe of much blessed frolicking, from which fuckery resulted the gentle Jesus, that Good Fucker who stuffed the beauteous and public whore Magdalen, Marquess of Bethany, of whom the vagabond Jesus was, furthermore, the keeper and sometimes the pimp, who, to the infinite chagrin of the blessed Slut also embuggered His fairy companion, Saint John. Blessed and pretty Mary, virgin as am I, we thank you for this happy day of fuckery. By the merits of your Son and in His name, grant us another like it next Sunday. And you, holy Magdalen, who was fucked by the grave prayer-speaking Jesus and by John the Embuggered as well, grant me my prayer, which is that I be enabled to fuck as often as you did, cuntwise or asswards, fifteen, yea, twenty times an hour, and all that without being wearied therefrom or sate. You fucked with the Pharisees, with Herod, and even with Pilate so as to have the wherewithal to feed the hungry rake Jesus, your lounge-lizard and the shiftless wastrels who collaborated with Him on His enterprises, Oh, beseech your pimp Jesus – who, being God, has doubtless much power – to grant that I someday have between the hairs of my cunt that rich swaggerer whom I once saw get out of his carriage with an erection begot by the sight of me as I was returning home from the house of my friend, Madame Congrêlé. For, with the money I earn with my cunt, my ass, my bubs, my tongue, and lips, I shall be able to relieve my worthy father in his old age. Not only would I fuck with him and give him pleasure thereby, but I would sell myself as did the pious daughter of Eresichthon the fanatic, or the devout Ocyrhoë, daughter of the centaur Chiron, who both became mares, that is to say, the steeds of male riders, and whores. Model of a man, most excellent pimp, gentle Jesus, passionate fucker, complaisant street-companion of the burning, the oftfucking, and the exemplary whore Magdalen, who was so in love with Your divine prick and Your blessed balls, by Your omnipotence preserve my cunt's narrowness and satin quality, keep my bubs firm and round, allow not to desert me the fairness of my skin, my ass, my buttocks, my arms, my hands, my cunt, my shoulders. Maintain forever the rigid stiffness of my lovers's pricks and above all my father's. Maintain their balls full always of fuck, for you know the art and have the skill to do so, having inherited them from the blessed King David, beloved of the Lord and His favorite because that sovereign was the Number One Fucker of his age. Oh, Jesus, grant that my high heels, which lend me such grace when I walk and cause so many men's pricks to harden, grant that they never give me blisters or put corns on my toes, but that these tempting and fuck-inspiring feet remain as now they are for many a long year."

  "Amen!" murmured the entire assembly, pricks straining and cunts moist with emotion.

  Everyone left edified by my daughter's extraordinary piety. As they filed thoughtfully out, they said: "That's indeed what one may justly call having religion, the true religion of Nature; and that's the proper way to address the divinity. One ought always ask Him for reasonable things. Oh, indeed, she's an unusual girl!"

  Two days later, when I went to see Conquette (I had stayed away from her on Monday), I found her, although fully dressed, blinking sleepily which, what, for her large eyes and long lashes, made her appear especially charming. She was wearing a pair of new silk slippers she had put on for the first time.

  I sank to my knees before her. "Conquette," I said to her, "no living mortal has prettier feet – they are a shade large, and the pointed toes of your slippers and their very high heels make them look half their actual size. How divine they are! My prick is mightily hard, as you observe."

  "Dearest Papa, knowing how much you adore me, I wanted to consecrate these shoes before presenting them to you as ornaments to go on your mantelpiece. Here are the white ones I had on the other day, in which I was so often – so much and so well – you know what."

  "What, my dear? Say it."

  "Fucked, Papa, FUCKED!"

  "Quite. Excellent. And those shoes?"

  "Do you see the pretty shape my feet have given them? They are far more voluptuous now that they have been worn."

  Avidly, I inhaled the scent that the interior of those slippers distilled. "Oh, but my prick is a veritable pillar!" I cried. "Your blessed buggering shoes have an odor of paradise! I'm lost, I'm damned. I'll have the worst aches and pains in my balls if I don't shove it into your cunt one little time; are you going to let this paternal prick eject its seed upon the floor? No, I hope not."

  "Put your ass and your balls in this big flat bowl like a good loving papa. I had the water fetched up. It is nice and cool and will relax that poor darling prick of yours. That's what I do when my cunt is afire."

  This all seemed like good common sense and I followed her recommendation. She hid her feet from my sight. That too was prudent for her. I felt much calmer.

  "I had to cool myself a short while ago. Trait-d'Amour paid me a call; I was still in bed when he arrived. He laid hands on my cunt and my bubbies. Just to see his prick standing up on his hind legs made an impression upon me, but in my heart, do you know, I felt nothing. He said he wanted to cunt-tongue me and to have me frig him afterwards. I'm not a whore you know–"

  "You are chilly, it seems to me–"

  "That's because I have ceased to love ... in a sense. You are my lover, dear Father, and your lieutenant Trait-d'Amour also has definite rights to my cunt: he's your prick's double, its alter ago, and when it buries itself in me it's you all the time who is fucking me. Anyhow, I felt a little sorry about my harshness with him. So I took his prick in my hand and he put it in my mouth, the foreskin pulled all the way back. I made him discharge and swallowed his fuck, which tasted marvelous, I must admit, after my morning chocolate. It was like a heavenly mouthwash. But, as I was saying, if you would like to give your cherished daughter an unspeakable pleasure, kiss her, put your tongue in her mouth, and she'll put hers in yours. She'll tickle your balls and squeeze your prick in her fist and she'll discharge like a goddess."

  "Oh, you are too wonderful for words! An end to them. Let's fuck like intelligent human beings. Just a little bit."

  "My cunt was cool as moment ago, but now you've gone and set it afire again. Only fuck will extinguish the blaze, I'm afraid. Therefore, dearest Papa, let's fuck away! Encunt your devoted daughter! But proceed softly so tha
t I discharge several times. And I've something to tell you while we fuck."

  She leapt upon me, thrust my member into her cunt and advanced it gradually, by almost imperceptible little nudges of her ass. The water's coolness had checked my impetuousness and retarded my ejaculation now. Her movements grew more energetic and she began to moan, crying at last, "I'm coming, oh, sweet Jesus, I'm melting!" Then she lay still for a minute or two. "I forgot to give you the address of that man we saw in the street the other day. He handed me a slip of paper, on it was written a request that I come and see him for a-a-a fuck, oh FUCK! Drive it in, drive it, Father. Drive it all the way in, I'm discharging all over again. I'm coming ... ah, heavenly Father!" and she leapt and danced and twittered and chirruped as never did a fuckeress before her leap, dance, twitter, and chirrup. After a copious discharge, she resumed what she had been saying, "Yes, that man in the street, his message. It's here, on the bedside table. Tell him, or write to him, that I never go abroad, and enclose our address."

  "Aye, it shall be done, Fututrix!" I replied. Madame Brideconin brought us cups of chocolate and I left so as to attend to the business. I went straight to the lodgings of him who was so eager to be my daughter's lover and next fucker. I found him at home, transmitted a note Conquette Ingénue had written, in which she said that, if he had any reply to make, he give it directly to her father. I was warmly received. The gentleman was well-to-do. He said he was searching for a mistress who knew how to please in bed.

  "My good Sir," I made him prompt answer, "your quest is at an end. My daughter has been married. She may be yours upon condition she keep her present residence, which neighbors mine. You shall eat there with her if you like and sleep there too – I shan't be bothered in the slightest by whatever you choose to do. As for voluptuousness and ability to move the ass and flanks, a libertine husband saw to it she had the most arduous and thorough novitiate in this vocation. But in surrendering her to you I wish to be certain her fate will be a happy one and that her practical circumstances will improve a little each year. If you will guarantee her welfare, I shall take upon myself full responsibility for her fidelity. She is prudent, sensible, and well-behaved; the certitude of a future independent of her monstrous husband is the sine qua non of her consent to your proposals."